Old College Try
by Angel Weasel-Woman
Summary: All Sora wanted was for Matt to know how she truly felt. Companion to No Children.
1. Chapter 1

_From the housetops to the gutters_

_From the ocean to the shore_

_The warning signs have all been bright and garish_

_Far too great in number to ignore_

_From the cities to the swamplands_

_From the highways to the hills_

_Our love has never had a leg to stand on_

_From the aspirins to the cross-tops to the Elavils_

2004:

I sat at the table, my toes beginning to tingle. Matt was next to me, and I could see the look in his eyes. The 'Why did you drag me here?' desperate plea he always gave whenever we went out. I wanted to tell him it was Mother's idea, but that would just rile him up. If there was one thing he hated more than traditional tea ceremonies, it was talking about Mother. I always wanted to ask him why, what was it that always set him off so bad. It must be because of his parent's divorce. TK had announced in the Digital World that Matt hadn't spoken to his mother in years before summer camp. That was one reason TK must have clung to his make-shift family so hard.

I should give him a call. Even while dating his brother, I never really saw the kid.

The hostess bowed low, extending the warm cups of tea toward us. Matt did his best to accept the tea without looking too clumsy, the poor thing. Growing up with just a man around the house must have been terrible. At least I had a loving mother to teach me how to be feminine. How to sit properly, how to do my makeup, how to find a good man. I smiled at Matt, but he must not have seen it behind his cute bangs. Mother kept saying that he needed to cut his hair, that a proper man kept his hair neat. I never told Mother that I liked it long on him. It gave him a certain... softness, that reminded me of something I couldn't quite place. Some warm feeling I lost long ago.

The ceremony was dwindling to a close and I could see Matt's attention had long since drifted away. I wanted to reach out and take his hand, give him a kiss on the cheek. But that wouldn't be proper. Public displays of affection like that were for children and boys, not young ladies, just like Mother always said. So I put my hands on my knees and looked at my manicure while the drums finished beating.

When we stepped into the mild fall air, I couldn't help myself. I leaned in close to Matt, hooking my arm through his. He made a noise and I hummed over it. He didn't know it now, but these would be the best moments of our young lives. Mother always told me the regrets of her first love and I was determined to show her that it could work out, even if we were still in middle school.

"Have you thought about which high school you'll be going to?" I asked.

Matt sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He mumbled something.

"Because, you know, we're about to get into our final year here. We really should think about our future." Together.

"I don't even know if I'm going to high school." Matt finally said. He wiggled his arm against me and I pulled him closer. I gave him the best pout I could (I still wasn't too good at that, even though Mother made me practice).

"But Matt," I told him, "what will you do if you don't go to high school? You know, a lot of jobs are going to require a diploma, if not a college degree." I nuzzled against him despite my better judgment. "Come on, we'll look at high schools together when we go out to dinner."

"Dinner? Sora, I told you this morning, TK's coming over tonight. This is dad's weekend with him this month."

Right. Like I could forget. That was the only thing he could talk about all morning. He always seemed so sad whenever his brother visited, that I was hoping he would agree to spend more time with me. I wasn't such terrible company was I?

I waited patiently, but he would never get the hint. I hated having to be so direct. After all, Mother always said that girls who were too direct ended up alone. "Do you think that, maybe, I could..." He still wasn't going to be the one to say it. "Come over tonight?"

"Sora... it's just going to be us guys. You know, doing man stuff." He was looking away. I hated when he wouldn't look at me.

"But Matt, I still haven't met your dad..."

"What?" He finally turned those beautiful blue eyes on me. "Yeah you have. Remember when Myotismon almost got Kari?"

"I mean, I never met him as your girlfriend. Honestly, it's like you don't want him to know we're going out."

"Believe me, Dad knows."

"Then why don't you ever invite me over? I'd like to think he'll be my father-in-law eventually."

It was actually kind of funny how Matt could choke on nothing. But I still couldn't have him act this way toward me in public. God forbid one of Mother's friends heard it.

"I don't see what's so terrible about that. That's what couples in love do."

"I know, I know." He frowned and I knew he was thinking. He frowned a lot when he thought. "Next Friday. I'll... introduce you to my dad then, ok?"

"Sounds perfect." I pulled away from him and he rubbed his arm. He must be cold now. "I'm going to go home and tell Mother." I kissed him and he stiffened. He really didn't like any public displays of affection.

The tea house hadn't been too far from my home, which is why Mother had suggested it as a location for our date, and our walk home had put me only a block away. I looked over my shoulder, watching Matt pull out his cell phone as he walked to the bus stop. I couldn't remember if I'd given him my number. He had my house number, though, and Mother didn't like me getting calls on my personal cell.

I'd lived in the same apartment complex since we'd moved from Highton View Terrace. I tried to think back, to remember if Dad had moved with us. If he did, he hadn't stayed long. Boys never did if their wives didn't make themselves important enough. The windowsill garden hanging off the front window was just as beautiful and immaculate as I could ever recall, the meticulously cleaned windows reflecting an ocean of pinks and purples. That Mother could get flowers to bloom, even in the dead of winter, had always amazed me. The front door was thick and heavy, an intricate stained glass nameplate set just above eye level, but it opened with barley a push. Mother must have convinced the neighbor to check out that squeaking noise. I removed my shoes, and was about to take off my jacket, announcing, "I came home!"

From the kitchen, I heard Mother call serenely, "I'm in the kitchen, sweetheart. Come let me look at you." I knew what she meant and I tried not to sigh too loudly. I pulled my jacket back over my shoulders and walked to the kitchen. After everything with the Digital World, my mother looked haggard, like she'd aged ten years. Her hair was pulled into a tight bun, stretching her skin and pulling tight the wrinkles at her eyes. The kimono she wore around the house was faded but still bright against her pale skin.

"Pockets," she told me, her eyes still as sharp as they'd ever been.

I turned out the pockets of my skirt and jacket, putting the receipts I'd acquired throughout the day on the counter. She looked over each piece of paper, unfolding every crumpled scrap. She always wanted to know where I'd gone every day and how much I spent on each date.

"I see you paid for lunch again," she said evenly. I could hear it, though. The disappointment. She only wanted the best for me. "How long are you going to let that boy use you?"

"He's not using me," I told her again. "He just doesn't get that much of an allowance for dates."

"And when are you going to meet his parents? You and Yamato have been going out for how long now?" Mother was getting suspicious. She snatched a gum wrapper that had been caught halfway out of my pocket and made an odd noise.

"Friday," I told her, finally happy to have an answer. "Matt is taking me to meet is father after our date on Friday."

"His father? What about his mother?" She always told me that you could learn a lot about a man from his mother.

"His parents are divorced, remember? I told you, Mother." I always had to remind her.

She nodded to herself, turning to the stove. It was as though a weight had been lifted from my shoulders and I could finally go to my room. On my bed there were a few pamphlets, but I just pushed them aside. Despite what I told Matt earlier, I wasn't in the mood to look at high schools. I know Mother wanted me to go to Odaiba High - it was close by and It was the only school that offered _ikebana_ classes outside of Tokyo proper. I fell onto the mattress, pulling my pillow to my chest. As much as I didn't want to admit it, I missed the old days. Before dating got in the way of being friends, before the Digital World sealed away, before Biyomon left me alone forever...

I can still feel her silky feathers as I buried my head in her ruff. She always smelled so warm and pleasant. We were crying, my shirt had been soaked through, but we didn't care. All we wanted was just those last few moments together.

_"Sora," _I can still hear her say, clear as a bell._ "Just remember, your mother does what she does because she loves you. You might not understand now, but I do."_

I didn't even realize I was crying now until I nuzzled in to a wet spot on my pillow. The last gate to the Digital World had closed this spring. It had been six months since I saw Biyomon for the last time. Christmas was coming up again, and so was our anniversary. I should do something special this year. It'll be our first together...

* * *

><p>I was heading to the Star Bar, where Matt was talking with the owner, trying to book a gig, when I saw her. Tall and thin she'd dyed her hair pink again, though now she sported raindrop barrettes instead of stars. She was standing in the doorway with Matt and the bar owner, beaming like she owned the world.<p>

"Mimi!" I called, waving and catching up to her. She turned with a natural feminine grace that I would never be able to achieve. "How are you?"

"Sora!" She must have been in America too long because she ran up to be and hugged me like one of her her stuffed animals, lifting me off the ground slightly. "Oh, I missed you!" I couldn't help but notice that she smelled really good. She must have showered recently. "I just got in last night!"

The bar owner gave us an odd look and I pulled myself out of Mimi's grasp. I felt really warm and tingly inside, and I remember that was how Matt described performing. Matt!

I grabbed his arm and snuggled into it, giving Mimi my best "we're still friends but I love my boyfriend more than you" glare.

"What's going on? Did you run into Mimi on the way here?"

"Sort of..." Matt pulled his arm away from me in order to bush his bangs back. "You remember I told you I wrote that song that needed a female backup singer?"

I remember we'd been in the park. A group of girls from Juban High were discussing their boyfriends while applying makeup near the fountain. "Of course I do."

"I've been talking to Mimi on and off since then and we decided to give her a chance."

"A chance at what?" There we a twinge of jealousy. Since when did Mimi have time to talk to Matt and not to me?

"At singing the back up." Matt was giving me a funny look. "You feeling all right? What are you doing here anyway? You don't like my bar gigs."

"I just wanted to remind you about our date tonight. Don't forget I'm meeting your father afterward."

Matt gave a weird smile. What was with a everyone and their odd looks today? Mimi just cheered, grabbing my hands and bouncing with me as though we were dancing. "You mean officially? How precious!" She winked knowingly. "I think I hear bells somewhere!" And then she laughed.

I heard them too.

Matt was talking to the owner while we "girled it up", as he would call it, and I barely noticed them shake hands in agreement over something. Mimi had begun chattering about something involving the move back to Japan, and all I could notice was how cute her hair was as it draped over her shoulders, and just how adorable her barrettes were, the blue droplets reminding me of her long since shattered crest.

"Sora," Matt called and I was dragged back into reality. "Are you ready to go?"

"Yeah! Mother found this nice restaurant not too far from your apartment complex. I thought that would make it easier on you when we go to visit your father."

"Yeah sure," Matt grumbled. He then smiled at Mimi. "I'll see you at practice tomorrow, OK? You remember where the middle school is, right?"

Mimi flashed him a V and a dazzling smile. "Of course I do! I'll see you then, pookie!"

"Pookie?" I asked as we walked down the street. Mimi had run off excitedly in the opposite direction and I felt the warmth drain away. There must be a chill in the air.

Matt just shrugged with an easy smile. "Mimi's weird," he said and that was all he really needed to. Mimi had a knack for giving us all nicknames. In fact, the last time I saw her, she'd taken my phone and renamed all my contacts. I will had no idea who Juicy Butt was, and whoever it was never picked up when I called.

"Well, anyway," I said, waiting patiently for him to take me by the hand. "Have you figured out where you're going to take me tonight?"

He started walking away. He was never really good at reading my signals, so I grabbed him by the wrist when I caught up. He flinched slightly and I loosened my grip. I wanted to cuddle to him, to have him share my scarf that Mother made extra long just for us, but he just looked so... forlorn. Like his whole world had just fallen away. He didn't seem like he had thought too much about where we were going to dinner. I knew if I had to choose, I would end up having to pay again.

"I have an idea," I chirped as female-y as I could. "How about you make dinner at your place?"

"What?!" He stumbled, almost dragging us both down to the ground. "You, you want me to cook?!"

"Of course, silly. You love to cook." He always did in the Digital World.

I took a moment to swallow my tears. Biyomon...

"Only because noone else could." He had a bittersweet smile. "Remember when Izzy tried to make _omurice_?"

We shared a laugh, a genuine honest-to-God laugh, at the memory of the poor redhead frantically shoving rice under a crunchy board of egg. He'd never quite gotten the hang of actual cooking.

"Oh, but have you ever had his cookies?" I could still taste his very first batch of shortbread – light and flaky and deliciously buttery. "He may not be able to boil water, but he sure can bake a cake."

"Oh yeah, he used to bring them by all the time when, ah..." He gave me that look again. The one that said he wasn't sure what to say next without getting a call from Mother. "... Tai was living with me."

I don't know why he thought I had a problem with that. So what if Tai and Izzy were... _together_? Like every prejudice Mother had was going to infect how I feel about my friends? I still spoke to Joe on occasion, and he'd come out as, uh, _that way_ to everyone when we'd come home after defeating Apocalymon. It's not like I avoided his calls, we just never really had the chance to sit down and talk to each other.

"I didn't know that." I smiled. "That must have been very sweet."

"After Izzy stopped being pissed, yeah." He had that distant look in his eyes again. "They're pretty happy together, even with Tai all the way out in Shibuya."

"Shibuya?" I hadn't heard this. "What's he doing out there already? Isn't he still in middle school?"

Matt shrugged. "My dad managed to convince them to let Tai take an aptitude test and graduate early, so he could live in the dorms over summer break. And I thought I barely saw him before..." He laughed, that tired noise that told me he missed his family.

I put my hand in his and gave him my best smile. "Don't worry, that's why we're having dinner at your place tonight. Now, come on, let's go shopping." And before he could change his mind, I started dragging him to the bus stop

* * *

><p>It had taken me forever to convince him, but I finally decided on curry for dinner. It was simple and something he was good at making. We were walking down the street to his apartment complex, carrying only a few bags from the store. He said he had plenty of spices at home, but I told him that they were old and that a dinner like this needed to be special. He made some kind of noise I couldn't quite place when his cell phone started ringing. I was more than happy to take the bag he shoved at me as he grabbed his phone.<p>

"Who would be calling me...?" He had told me about how busy Tai was at his new school, and, really, none of the other Children were as close to him. Except for me, of course. Suddenly, he brightened and answered the phone with a happy, "Hey, what's up?"

Who was he so excited to talk to?

I didn't let my sour expression show as he started ignoring me to talk to his phone, after all, Mother always said frowning causes wrinkles and wrinkles cause divorce. So I walked beside him, wrapping my arm around his, smiling as the best girlfriend I could be. So what if he was ignoring me now? Whoever was on the phone couldn't be anywhere near as interesting as me.

I didn't let my smile falter once, even though Matt was on the phone all the way up to the elevator in his complex. He mentioned something about seeing them later before hanging up.

"Who was that?" I asked, sounding as chipper as the girls in the grocery store.

"Hm?" Matt looked at me and blinked, like he couldn't remember where he was. His cheeks were a little flushed, was he coming down with a fever? "Oh, that. It was Joe, he said he finally got a night to himself and wanted to catch up."

Joe. I can still remember the Digital World, how he always blushed and clung to Matt like some lost puppy. I thought that since he was in High School in Juban now, he wouldn't have the time to bug _my_ boyfriend. Obviously I was wrong.

I shoved the bags I was carrying into his arms and he dropped his phone as he tried to put it up. I stepped closer, not really disappointed that I didn't step on his phone, and pressed my lips to his as the elevator dinged behind us. Hopefully there was someone on it who could see just how in love we were with each other.

"S-Sora!" Matt yelped as he pulled away. I knew he didn't care for public displays of affection, but right now I didn't care. I just... loved him so much! "What's that for?"

"Because you're my boyfriend, silly." I had to make sure he didn't forget. "And that's what people in love do – they kiss."

"W, well, we're going to miss the elevator." And he ran into the lift, juggling groceries around so he could push the button. I grabbed his perfectly intact cell off the ground and hurried inside, the doors starting to close on me. It was empty, of course, so I just leaned against him and he pressed against the wall. He must have been very tired from shopping earlier, as he barely even looked at me the whole way up. I tried to talk to him, but every conversation I started, he refused to acknowledge until I finally fell silent and we walked into his apartment.

I was all prepared to make a face and remind Matt that just because two men lived alone, that didn't mean it had to look like it. I was ready to start picking up and cleaning and dusting while Matt just sighed at my womanly ways. Except...

The apartment was spotless. Everything had it's place, the floors were swept and even the table looked polished. I took my jacket off and Matt quickly hung it on an empty hook that was labeled "Visitor".

"Sorry about the mess," he said, removing his shoes and placing them neatly beside the door. "I still haven't had the chance to dust after Typhoon Tai blew through here."

"It, it's fine." Great. Now how was I supposed to show what a great girlfriend I was? I didn't even see what dust he was talking about!

He walked into the kitchen, setting the bags on the counter. With a practiced ease, he moved about the small space and put up every item into it's tagged place, tossing out the old spices I refused to let him use. I wanted to help, to prove I was useful, but he just shooed me out of the kitchen that also appeared to be the living room.

"Just sit at the table for now. I still need to steam clean that couch that Tai slept on."

I sat in the mismatched chair, looking around. I couldn't remember ever being in Matt's apartment before, despite how long we've been dating. It was... cozy. Small kitchen overflowing into the entertainment area. There was a large blue couch that didn't seem to quite match the rest of the furniture and I remembered Matt telling me that they'd gotten it from a secondhand store so Tai would have a place to sleep. Our once-leader had been kicked out of his house at the beginning of summer, and I remembered being so mad when I was finally told that he had spent time living with Matt and his father.

Mad because, obviously, Tai used to crush on me, and he hadn't told me he'd been kicked out until he was already making plans with Izzy's family about high school. And not at all because I could remember all the sexual tension he used to have with my boyfriend long ago in the Digital World. After all, Matt was straight – I had nothing to worry about when it came to boys.

"Where's your dad?" I asked, wanting to talk about anything but Tai and his "relationships". "I thought he was supposed to be here?"

"He will be," Matt said. "He just tends to work late, but he promised to show tonight."

"I see. So, he'll be here in time for dinner?" We'd skipped lunch to go shopping, and I was starting to feel my stomach growling. I hated feeling hungry. It always reminded me that even the worst times in the Digital World were also the best of my life.

Matt just shrugged. "Maybe. At least he should come home before I take you back."

Wonderful. Now what was I going to tell Mother? That I'd met his dad in passing? Just a, "hi, how are you, I've been dating your son for almost a year, good night"? She was going to be furious with me! I picked at my manicure, playing with my left pinky nail that always seemed to pop up, as I listened to Matt pulling out pots and pans.

"We're not waiting for your father?" Was this going to go _at all_ like I'd planned?

"Nah. I usually make him a plate and throw it in the fridge. Besides, I need to get you home before dark or your mom'll have a fit." He shuddered.

It wasn't that bad, the last time he'd taken me home after sunset. Sure, Mother had accused him of impregnating me in front of all our neighbors and demanding evidence that he'd taken all precautions, but after she'd calmed down, she _had_ told him that he would make a good son-in-law.

"She's just looking out for me," I reminded him. "Like I used to with Biyomon."

"If you want to call it that..." And then he went quiet. He was remembering Gabumon, I knew it. I still couldn't believe that we would never see our Digimon again, that we'd never be able to go back to that world where we'd all become friends...

Something on the stove popped and Matt cursed, running to the sink and running water over his hand. I jumped, wanting to go over to him, but he just shook his head.

"I'm fine. Just a bit of oil." He looked at his hand and I could see a spray of red down his forearm. "It'll go away by tomorrow. I've burnt myself worse back in the... The Diner."

Joe, again. I don't know why he constantly insisted on bringing him up in every conversation. It was starting to make me feel unimportant. I should be the forefront of all his thoughts, just like he is mine. The first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I think about before I fall asleep is M... Matt.

Obviously Matt. I mean, who else would I obsess over?

"Is there anything I can help with?" I asked. I wanted to salvage what I could of this date, no more talking about other people, or couples, or anything like that. "I'm not that bad in the kitchen."

He looked around. "We're just waiting on the rice, now." He walked over to join me at the table, sitting across from me. He put his chin in his hand and stared off into the distance. This was terrible, we should be talking about something, _anything_, not just sitting here in silence. I tried to sit calmly and serenely in silence like a girl should, but I couldn't help tapping my fingers on the tabletop. My pinky nail finally popped off, rolling onto the floor.

"So, uh, Matt..." I looked under the table. I couldn't see the sparkly yellow plastic anywhere. "Do you think -"

The door swung open and Matt's dad walked in. He dropped his jacket on the floor and kicked off his shoes, yawning as he announced, "I'm home!"

"Dad, hey." Matt stood, rushing over. He grabbed his dad's jacket and hung it up, straightening his shoes, and in general acting more like a wife than I ever could. "You're home early."

"For once, the station manager didn't get wasted at lunch, so we got everything done on time." He sniffed the air. "Smells good in here, what did you make?" He finally looked up. "Oh, I see that your... That Sora is here."

I stood and smiled as politely as I could. Matt walked over to me, still holding his dad's scarf, and put his hand on my shoulder.

"Dad, you know Sora. We've been..." Oh, come on. How hard can it be to say it? "... Dating... for nearly a year now."

I bowed. "It's very nice to meet you, Mr. Ishida. I am very happy with your son."

Mr. Ishida walked over, bowing quickly before ruffling my hair. He was really used to boys, I guess. "It's good to see my son so... happy with a woman."

Matt made a noise and his dad gave an apologetic smile. I wondered what he meant by that. Maybe he was worried his son was gay? Obviously not, since he was dating me.

"C'mon, _dad_, dinner's ready. Help me out in here." He surely was in a huffy all of a sudden. I wanted to help set the table, but Matt shooed me away again, this time much more harshly than before. I started feeling more like a third wheel than the guest of honor as the two men hissed at each other in the kitchen. I tried to act like this was how I imagined the evening going, or that I wasn't trying to listen in on their conversation, even thought I couldn't. Every now and then I managed to catch a word here and there, mostly "Nancy" and "dating".

Wasn't Nancy his mother's name?

Matt and his father sat at the table, Mr. Ishida handing me a plate. I gave him the warmest "thank you" I could and we sat in an uncomfortable silence. Matt was sitting in his chair, glowering and not really eating. His dad looked concerned, and any time he attempted to start a conversation with him, Matt just grunted and put his chopsticks in his mouth.

"So, Sora," he finally turned his attention to me. Obviously he was tired of trying to reach Matt. "How have you been? It's been a few years since we've met."

The evening dragged on, the sun taking it's sweet time to set. Dinner had long since gone cold, but Matt was still being bitter about something so we were all still sitting at the table. Every now and then, his dad would say something to him as though in some kind of code. I knew what he was saying, but not what he was truly asking him and it was driving me crazy. How could they tiptoe around some secret like that? Shouldn't Matt tell me everything?

"Matt," his father finally said directly. "Shouldn't you be getting Sora home soon? I've heard that her mother is rather protective."

"Yeah, whatever." Matt stood suddenly, his plate clattering to the floor. He didn't even spare it a second glance as he stormed over to the door. "You coming Sora?"

I jumped, startled, and rushed over. I've never seen Matt so mad at anyone that wasn't Tai. I wondered what his father had said to him in the kitchen. Oh! I turned and bowed. "Thank you for having me over, Mr. Ishida. I enjoyed getting to know you."

He gave me a sad smile and a little wave before Matt shoved me out the door, slamming it behind us. He was glaring daggers at his feet as he stormed toward the elevator, as though he didn't realize I was still beside him. I wanted to hug him and kiss him and make his feel better, but every time I moved closer, he flinched and turned away.

I wished I knew what was going on...

* * *

><p>Fall faded from brilliant oranges and yellows to the dreary whites and grays of winter. Matt and Mimi had preformed beautifully on stage together. Her whole body seemed to shine when she stood next to him, like her crest used to. I could feel every emotion a thousand times over as she sang straight into my very soul. It was like when I'd first met Biyomon and the hole within me I never knew existed was suddenly filled. The whole world melted away in that bar, and it was just me and her, together in an intricate dance written by Matt.<p>

It wasn't long after that Mimi found herself on tour with Matt, going from bar to bar all over Tokyo. First as a backup vocalist on select tracks, but the more the crowd cheered when she appeared, the more Matt wrote specifically for her. On the last gig he had booked, he hadn't sung a note, Mimi bathing herself in the spotlight for the whole hour.

I was sitting in that bar, lost in Mimi's wonderful voice long after she'd left the stage, when Matt suddenly fell next to me. It was a simple statement he made, as though he were telling me the temperature outside.

"The Teenage Wolves are over. We broke up."

"W-What?!" I hadn't known they were having trouble. "What happened?"

He shook his head, and I could smell the alcohol and cigarette smoke waft over my nose. I'm sure it was just the stench of the bar clinging to him – he would _never_ drink or smoke. "We've been having problems lately. That's why I got Mimi to help out."

"What does Mimi think of this? She seemed really excited to sing with you guys." The light and warmth in her eyes would never leave me.

Matt just shrugged, running his tongue over his yellowing teeth. "She seems pretty damn happy. There was a scout here, Evin Downes from Avex, and he's in the back, talking to her right now."

Avex? Even I've heard of them! They're the number one talent agency when it comes to pop idols! Would this mean that Mimi would be famous? I mean, we were never really recognized for what happened in the Digital World as Gennai saw to it that all information on it was lost, but still, wow. Mimi would be the face of Odaiba if this Evin person was pleased with her.

I wanted to squeal with excitement, to run backstage and cheer Mimi on, but Matt just looked so depressed.

"Us, the Wolves," he was telling me, "all the songs we played on this tour are going to be part of Mimi's first CD. After that, we're going to part ways and let her... be famous."

I couldn't let my joy for Mimi ruin the sympathy I was supposed to be feeling for my boyfriend. "Hey, Matt... Don't worry about it. You had a good run for a junior high school band, right?" He looked away and I knew that was the wrong thing to say. "Maybe... Maybe Mimi won't make it?" He was growling now, and I was worried about what he was going to do so I tried a different tactic. "You know, Matt, this is Christmas Eve... Our first anniversary together."

He sighed and sat back, looking lost in thought. "It is, isn't it? Our first televised concert..."

I reached out and took his hand. He didn't pull away and I took that as a good sign. "If you want, we can... go... somewhere special?" He barely blinked at me, but when I tugged on him, he stood.

The weather outside the bar was cold, so I cuddled up close to him and held him steady. He was stumbling a little, but that was surely because he was drained from his tour and wishing Mimi good luck. There was barely anyone on the streets this late at night, so it's not like Matt could be embarrassed to be seen hugging and kissing me and I knew exactly where I wanted to take him for our anniversary.

Snow had started to fall, swirling flakes melting on our cheeks and eyelashes, and I put my hands in Matt's pockets. He made a strange noise and stumbled, almost dragging us both down to the sidewalk. I laughed at him like he was being silly and pulled him along.

"Hold on, sweetie, we're almost there."

The hotel loomed over us, neon red lights flickering and advertising rates for a "Nap" and a "Stay". It was the closest place I'd been able to find, and I had the money saved up from sleeping on the tour bus instead of staying in motels. The woman at the desk was very professional, though she gave me a private wink when I gave her the money for a Stay. Matt was still wobbling on his feet, and whenever he tried to talk, his words were slurring. Poor thing must have been completely exhausted. I took the key and we managed to make it to room 13, where Matt leaned heavily against the door, almost falling over when I opened it. He grabbed at me to steady himself and we fell, giggling and laughing onto the fluffy pink mattress. The whole room was decorated in reds and pinks, and every shape was a heart. Heart mirrors, heart chairs, even the sink in the bathroom was heart shaped!

Matt was under me on the bed, breathing heavily with his eyes shut tight. It made me a little embarrassed as to how eager he seemed. I felt my cheeks warm and I leaned down to kiss him. Pressing my lips to his.

"N... Ng..." He moved his head aside, still not looking at me. "S-st..."

"What's wrong, Matt?" I purred as best I could. "It's Christmas Eve and our anniversary." I grabbed his hand and placed it on my breast. If he was to shy to do it, why shouldn't I help him out? "Doesn't this feel good?"

His hand was shaking and when I let his wrist go, he pulled away. Matt rolled, trying to sit up, but I pushed him down. This was getting ridiculous. We've been together for a full year, today. We've kissed before, but never deeply. He never tried to touch me, he barely initiated even holding my hand. Any time the topic of sex came up, he just looked away, that same distant look that told me he was thinking of something in the Digital World.

I threw my legs on either side of him, sitting on his stomach. He was shifting beneath me as I reached up to undo my blouse. I had made sure to wear my best pushup bra to show off what little had grown in since I'd hit puberty. "Do you like how I look?"

He couldn't even open his eyes, and I thought I might have seen a tear try to leak out. Something about that, the fact that he was about to cry just from being here with me, well, it was pissing me off.

"Matt..." It came out as more of a growl than a purr. "Touch me."

"No." It was soft, scared, but a definite, "No."

"What are you talking about? You're _my boyfriend_! Now," I grabbed him and forced his hand down my pants. "Touch me!"

Matt screamed like I'd thrown him into a bonfire. He bucked frantically and I fell off him, almost tumbling off the bed. He grabbed me and threw me down onto the mattress. His eyes were wild and he was crying openly, tears splashing on my cheeks

"You want it so fucking bad?!" He screamed at me. "This is what you want, isn't it, you goddamned whore?!"

"Matt!" I was surprised, to put it lightly. He'd _never_ acted anything like this before! The rage that was openly displayed on his face...

He grabbed my wrists and held me down. I could already feel the bruises forming. "Matt, please..."

"I'm tired of you making me beg for it!" He released one of my arms only to draw back and punch me across the face. Pain exploded from my nose and I almost threw up.

"Matt! Stop it!" I wasn't sure if I screamed that or just thought it. I was in so much pain...

There was a thump and I felt Matt's weight leave as he fell to the floor. I was dazed, trying to catch my breath. I could hear Matt rolling around, hissing to himself, "Oh God, oh God..." He suddenly stood over me. "Sora, oh God, I'm sorry..."

"Matt, what happened?" If it wasn't for the throbbing in my face, I was sure that I'd just had a horrible nightmare. He reached down to help me sit up. "Why... Why would you...?"

"Sora, I just, I just can't do this..." I looked up at him. He'd sobered up, finally, and his face was completely pale. I wanted to say something, anything, to him but he just backed up. "Sora... Goodbye."

And he...

He ran.

He left me, bleeding and alone, sitting on the mattress in a love hotel that we still had seven hours left in.


	2. Chapter 2

_But I will walk_

_Down to the end with you_

_If you will come_

_All the way down with me_

_From the entrance to the exit_

_Is longer than it looks from where we stand_

_I want to say I'm sorry for stuff I haven't done yet_

_Things will shortly get completely out of hand_

2013:

I looked myself over in the mirror. Mother had bought me a brand new outfit for Matt's graduation party. She had never quite forgiven him for breaking up with me (and almost breaking my nose), but she also told me that a woman who held a grudge was no woman at all. A long blue dress that hung loosely off my hips and an over jacket that buttoned up all the way to my throat. Every time I looked in the mirror, I was reminded of something, or someone, that I just couldn't place. It wasn't the most fashionable thing in the world, but Mother had insisted I wear something formal.

I had been invited, along with all the other Chosen Children, to a party Tai was throwing for Matt for graduating as valedictorian of Tokyo University. My ex had worked his ass off, shooting up from barely attending junior high to the very top of his class. I was excited for him, glad that he had decided to do something with his life, even if Mother _tisked_ every time his name was brought up in casual conversation.

I looked at the clock. I had ten minutes to reach the motel Tai had rented out for Matt's party. Mother didn't know exactly _where_ it was being held, as she would probably just die knowing it was going to be me and a bunch of men in a motel, even if we had all been friends before.

"Mother!" I called, knowing she was in the living room. Even at her age, she still did _ikebana_ from the house. "I'm leaving!"

"Call me tonight, so I know you're safe," her voice drifted down the hall.

"I will!" By this time I knew what she wanted me to call and tell her. That I wasn't sleeping around, giving away my precious virginity. It made me mad, sometimes, the way she tried to run my life. The way she picked and nagged at me until I gave in – until I gave up rough and tumble soccer for feminine tennis and then even that was too boy-ish for me; until I started wearing skirts instead of pants, and then shapeless dresses instead of cute miniskirts. But then I would stop and think of Biyomon, of my cute little Digimon that I hadn't seen in ten years, who always reminded me that Mother loved me. That whatever she did was always because she had me at the forefront of her mind.

"I'll see you tonight, Mother!"

I closed the door behind me, grabbing my high heels so I wouldn't have to run down the stairs in them. There was a taxi waiting for me, and I knew he was going to drive off if I wasn't there soon. I could feel the tears starting in the bottoms of my stockings, but those wouldn't matter once I was at the party – none of the other kids would want to look at my feet, anyway.

As I expected, my taxi driver was starting to creep away by the time I ran into the parking lot, but I managed to wave him down.

"I need to go to, uh," I pulled my cell phone from my purse, bringing up the text Tai had sent me with the address. "Celestial Mansions Motel, please."

"Traffic'll put you there in about a half hour," my driver said.

I made a face that was sure to smear my makeup. I was already running late. "That's fine. Faster than I'd get there any other way."

We pulled into the busy streets and I leaned back, looking out the window. The sun was setting, but it was still bright enough out to see all the people walking by. Happy families and loving couples all heading home for the night. Something I was sure I'd never get the chance to experience. My phone was vibrating, Yolie texting me and asking me where I was. I considered texting back, even calling, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I already didn't want to go to this party in the first place, to congratulate my ex on his personal achievements. It's not like I was bitter, or anything, that he'd managed to get into and graduate college while I started working for Mother directly after high school. I just figured he would have made some other friends by now that he would want to see more than me.

As it was, a half hour was being gracious. The party started at seven and it was almost eight. I considered just paying the taxi to bring me home, tell Mother that it had been canceled, but Yolie kept blowing up my phone and I knew I couldn't keep her waiting. She was my best friend, the only one who I knew would always take my side in anything. I paid my fare, put on my high heels and walked in, swallowing my pride so I could say something nice to Matt when I saw him.

I had barely made it through the door when I was tackled by a rush of rose-scented lavender blur. Yolie was laughing, squeezing me like she hadn't seen me in years.

"Oh, Sora, I'm so glad you made it!" she cheered. "I almost didn't recognize you, you look so... not different, but familiar. Just not you."

I grinned at her. There was always something incredibly warm about Yolie that could always cheer me up. Perhaps it was the star barrette I noticed in her hair, one like Mimi used to wear all the time. "I'm amazed you managed to get here at all, don't you have a kid?"

She hooked her arm through mine, dragging me through the motel lobby and closer to the loud music I knew Tai had chosen. "Yeah, Michiru is a handful right now, going through the Terrible Twos, you know. But she had a mild fever this morning, and Ken decided to take her to his parents for some rest. Besides, Mr. and Mrs. Ichijouji absolutely _adore_ her, so I know she's in good hands."

She continued to babble, a comforting stream of words, about her family and how her brother and sisters constantly demanded her daughter's short attention, how her parents kept pushing her and Ken to get married and make their family "official", how all Ken's parents wanted was to see their son happy. It made me kind of sad to realize just how little I'd hung out with her since I'd graduated high school. Mother had kept me so busy working for her, I hadn't even gotten the chance to go to college.

"Here we are!" Yolie laughed when we entered, as though I was the one they were all waiting for.

Tai cheered, raising his drink in a toast and laughing. Izzy was at his side, and I could almost hear him lecturing about alcohol. I saw the matching glint of gold on their fingers and tried to squash that sickly feeling rising in my stomach. So what if they were together, and had lasted longer than any relationship I'd ever had? They were still f-... friends and I was happy for them.

I saw Izzy sigh and wander over to Kari who offered him her bottled water. I could see the bulge on her stomach and Yolie whispered in my ear, "Poor Kari, all she's ever wanted was a girl. But when we came back from the sonogram the other day, they said it's going to be her second boy."

"That's terrible," I giggled. Still, even two boys would be much more wonderful than being alone with Mother. I looked around. "Is TK here with her? I thought they were married."

Yolie made a face. "TK is... Well, not here. I don't think he even knows Matt went to college, let alone graduated."

"Really?" This was a surprise. I thought the brothers were nearly inseparable. "What happened?"

"I dunno." Yolie shrugged and waved at Davis who was wobbling just as much as Tai. "They just, kinda, got into this huge fight when Matt graduated high school and they stopped talking to each other. I heard it had something to do with their parent's divorce."

"But they divorced when they were so young." Matt never told me anything about it, no matter how much I pestered him. "What could have affected them after so long?"

"Speaking of," Yolie put her hands on her hips and looked around, "where is Matt anyway? This is _his_ party after all."

"Looking for Matt?" Kari was standing next to us suddenly and I jumped. She laughed at me, putting one hand on her bulging stomach. "Sorry, Sora, I thought you saw me." She hugged me and smiled. "It's so good to see you, again."

"You too." She was always a pillar of strength for everyone and I was happy TK had married her. "But yeah, uh, you know where... M-Matt is?" It was hard to say his name, even after so long.

"I think I've seen him over at the bar. He's talking to Joe." She gave a dreamy little smile and I tried not to frown. Great. Joe.

I let Yolie get distracted by chatting with Kari and slipped away. I wasn't sure what I was going to say to my ex, but I knew I couldn't be too harsh. Who knew what would happen if Mother found out I was being... unfeminine. The music was harsh and loud, so I was glad to put it behind me as I wandered around, looking for the bar Kari had mentioned. Hopefully, once I found it, Matt would be alone so we could talk.

"... were accepted. I just wanted to say congratulations." Joe. Damnit, why did he always have to be there whenever I wanted to talk to Matt.

"Thanks, man." Just the sound of his voice was enough to make my knees weak. He'd grown into a handsome young man, and even after giving up singing, he still sounded nice and smooth. "You could have just said so with the others instead of waiting all night."

I peered around the corner. Joe was sitting at the bar, holding something in his lap. Matt was standing next to him, blushing lightly. Bastard was probably drunk already.

"I just, well, I wanted to give you something." I wasn't sure I wanted to see this. I knew Joe liked Matt, it was obvious to everyone (especially Kari, who had let it slip a few years ago), so what would he want to give my boyfriend? My, my _ex_-boyfriend?

"You don't have to give me anything. Hell, I should get _you_ something. If it weren't for you and Izzy, I don't think I'd have even passed the entrance exams."

I bit my lip, almost spitting as I tasted my lipstick. I hated how Matt looked right now, like he was... was... _relying_ on someone. If I knew anything about Matt, it was that he was strong, and independent, and didn't need anyone! That's why he left me! Mother said so!

Joe handed over what it was in his lap. "The moment I heard you were accepted, I found it online. I hope I got the right size. I asked Tai, and he said he didn't know, but he gave me your old size and I figured you couldn't have gotten much bigger..."

The whole time he rambled like a weirdo, Matt had taken whatever it was, holding it up. It was a jacket, deep blue and very comfortable-looking. White snaps fastened up the front, and I could see a name tag embroidered above the breast pocket "Yamato Ishida, Houston, TX". He turned it and I could see the large NASA patch stitched to cover the whole back.

"Oh, wow..." He looked like he was about to cry. Joe was still babbling, looking anywhere but at Matt. "Joe, you, you really didn't have to."

Joe blushed, and I clenched my teeth. There was no way I was going to sit here and watch this... _disgusting_ scene play out before me.

"Hey, Matt," I called, walking around the corner like I'd just gotten here. The two men looked at me and I shoved myself into the empty space between them as though I could fit. I twirled my bangs around my finger and pouted, like I'd practiced when I was younger. "It's been a while, huh?"

"Y-yeah." He stepped back. "Sorry about your nose. I didn't break it, did I?"

I giggled. Sweetness and kindness, that was what ensnared men. "It's fine. Just like me." I reached out, walking my fingers up his arm like I used to. If I acted like we'd never broken up, he was sure to remember how nice it used to be, right?

Just keep doing what Mother told me to do.

I felt Joe stand behind me. I didn't want to take my attention away from Matt, or else he might get away from me again.

"Excuse me," Joe said softly. "I should be getting back soon. Shin and Shuu have work in the morning, and I have to get to school tomorrow."

"Joe, hey, wait -!" Matt reached out and I took his hand.

"Matt, please." I intertwined my fingers in his, pressing myself against his chest. I gave him my best pouty lips and whispered to him. "I want to give _us_ another try..."

"Sora." He pulled away and began following after Joe who had already left the bar. "Just... no. I'm going back to the party to say hey to everyone. I have work tomorrow, anyway."

I fumed, trying not to let my makeup crease. I didn't bring my makeup bag with me to fix anything. If Matt didn't _want_ to be with me, than I didn't _want _ to be with him either!

* * *

><p>I sat in the motel lobby, sipping at whatever it was Tai had handed me. The night was dragging on; Joe, Kari, and Yolie having already left. Davis was still talking to Tai, and Matt was drinking something he'd brought in himself, slurring at Izzy. I couldn't hear what he was saying, just the sound of his voice drifting across to me.<p>

What I really wanted to do was just go home, tell Mother that Matt wasn't interested anymore and have that be that. I would deal with her ranting and raving at me about whatever she'd imagined happened to me that night long ago when we'd broken up. This last ditch effort she'd made me go through was just embarrassing, to me and all my friends, and I was tired of it.

I looked around. If I just slipped out now, I could call Izzy tomorrow and apologize. Tell him I was feeling ill, or something like that. I set my drink aside and stood. None of the boys were looking at me as I slipped down the hallways. I kicked off my shoes, feeling my toes poking through the holes in my stockings. Mother was going to be upset about them being ruined.

I was just about to push open the main doors, fishing in my purse for my cell phone to call a taxi when I felt a hand grab my arm. I jumped – was it some weirdo?

"H, hey you..."

It was Matt. He was standing over me, blinking heavily. He didn't even seem to realize that he was grabbing my arm. He was wearing that NASA jacket, clasped all the way up to his neck.

"Matt? What's going on?" He was scaring me a little, and the smell of alcohol was overwhelming.

"I _need_ to talk to you. _Now_." He started dragging me away. I yelped as I dropped my purse, but he didn't stop. I thought he was going to take me to the lobby, talk in front of the others, but we ducked into a room. It was dark, the curtains drawn tight, and we both stumbled as he dropped me on the bed. He staggered a moment, sitting next to me. I was reminded, briefly of that night long ago.

But there was no way _that_ was going to happen here.

"What is it Matt?" I was tired of trying to catch him again. I would just let him pass out here and be on my way.

"I jus'... I wan'ed to tell you that I, I, I'm sorry." He leaned over me, and I could smell what he'd been drinking. "I shoul' have never let us fight. I never wan'ed it to end, you have to know that!"

What?! What was he saying?!

Had Matt... Had he always felt this way? My face was red, I knew it was.

His hand found my thigh and he squeezed it. "You loved me, an' I want you to know I've loved you f'r as, as long as I knew you."

Love?! Oh, God, I didn't realize just how deep this ran. And for as long as he knew me?

"Then why would you...?" Attack me? Hurt me? Avoid me like the plague?

He slipped and we fell, him on top of me, lips pressed harshly against mine. I didn't know if he meant to kiss me, but it was very, _very_ nice.

"I was jus' s-scared." He was mumbling against my lips and I could barely hear him. "Embarr'ssed to be _that way_ in fron' of everyone. I know you, y're shy and cute and sweet and cute, and I'm ready f'r everyone to know how I feel. How _we_ feel." His hands were running up and down my waist, making me warm and tingly all over. "You still love me, don' you?"

"O-of course, Matt!" I blushed at how loudly I yelped that. "I love you!"

"Thank you, God," he whispered and we kissed deeply, for the first time. He tasted like a bar, like cigarettes and alcohol, but it was wonderful. "Oh, Joe, you've made me so happy..."

Joe?

Joe?!

_Joe_!

You son of a bitch, Joe!

I shoved Matt just like he'd shoved me, listening as he fell off the bed with a whump. So that's what it was, the way I looked. I looked like Joe when he was in high school – blue jacket, short hair! My vision was blurry and I could feel hot tears running down my cheeks. I couldn't believe it! Matt resparked all the feelings deep in me I thought I'd buried years ago, only because he thought I was a damn _boy_!

I stood, and felt the hem of my jacket catch on a spring. Damnit, Tai, you just had to cheap out, you bastard! Just wait until Mother found out about how ruined my dress was now!

I looked at Matt, passed out on the floor. I wanted to kick him, over and over, but I just growled and stormed out of the motel. My purse was still scattered on the floor, but I grabbed my wallet and my phone and left the mess there. I didn't like that ugly thing anyway.

I hailed a cab, barely coherent enough to give him the correct address and we were on our way, driving back home to where I belonged.

* * *

><p>I woke the next day, my head pounding.<p>

Or was that the door?

I rolled over in my bed, realizing that I had slept on top of the covers, fully dressed. Whatever alcohol I had drunk last night was suddenly attacking me with a vengeance, and my room spun around me as I sat up. I was worried I was going to puke, but a gross burp just made me feel kind of ill.

"Sora, open this door, _right now_."

Mother?

I rolled out of bed, stumbled to my door. It wasn't locked, Mother had removed the lock long ago, but she never wanted to walk in on anything I was doing. I opened the door and she gasped.

"What did that monster do to you this time?"

What was she talking about? She grabbed me by the wrist, dragging me to the bathroom. She was mumbling under her breath, growling something about me coming home so late last night. She wet a rag in the sink and began rubbing my face. My makeup had smeared over the night, though whether it was from Matt kissing... me... or from sleeping in it, I wasn't sure. The smell of alcohol still clung to my dress, and I could tell that Mother could smell it. She had a nose like a bloodhound sometimes.

"Mother, please."

"Don't take that tone with me, young lady." She rubbed the last of the mascara off my cheeks. "Now tell me, what happened?"

"Nothing, Mother." I sighed. "I got drunk last night and came home. That's all."

"That most certainly is _not_ all." She eyed the tear in my dress. "That Yamato, he attacked you, didn't he?"

"Mother?" She was starting to scare me.

"You don't have to be ashamed, sweetie. I won't judge you." She hugged me tenderly, a warm feeling I was unused to coming from her. "Let Mother take care of you, ok? Now, get yourself cleaned up." And she left. I had no idea what she was talking about, but a shower sounded wonderful right now.

The water was wonderfully warm, relaxing the pounding in my head. I heard the door open and close beyond the bath curtain, but I didn't care. I just wanted to get clean and wash away what little I remembered from last night. Warm bubbles and honey-scented soap enveloped me, and I stayed in the shower until all the hot water ran out, and even past that until I was shivering.

I turned the faucet off, stepping out and letting myself drip all over the floor. There was a fluffy towel sitting on the toilet and when I picked it up, a beat up old box fell, almost into the trash.

"What's this?" I asked outloud.

First Response Home Pregnancy Test.

I yelped and dropped the small box. This time, it _did_ fall in the trash.

"_Mother_!" I screamed. "Mother, what is this?!"

I heard her voice, standing right outside the door. "It is still early, so I might have to buy you another one after a few days."

"We didn't sleep together!" How could she even _think_ that? "I told you!"

"What you tell me and what happened are two different animals, Sora," she lectured me. "I will be back in five minutes. That's how long it takes for the test to respond." And I heard her walk away.

Oh, God! This was so embarrassing! I buried my face in my towel and tried not to cry. Why couldn't Mother ever believe me when it came to boys?

I grabbed the package, reading the yellowed instructions with shaking hands. It didn't matter. I knew nothing happened and this would only prove it.

I, uh, did my thing on the stick and set it on the counter. I wished I could have done this before my shower, because now my hands felt so... dirty. I had just finished scrubbing them and dressing when Mother walked into the bathroom. She snatched the test off the counter and stared at it, as though it would reveal all the secrets of the universe to her.

"It'll be a minute," I told her quietly. I could barely look at Mother. "It took me a while to have to pee." She just gave me an odd look and I shut my mouth. What else was there to say? The silence was becoming overwhelming, and I felt like crying. Why couldn't she just believe me...?

"Sora!" Mother cried suddenly. "How could you?!"

I looked up just to be slapped across the face. She shoved the test in my face and I flinched away from the, uh, wet end.

"I thought I could trust you! You, you _harlot_!"

"What are you talking about?!"

Mother was crying, still holding out the test. There were two little blue lines staring me in the face.

"Positive? Positive?!" I couldn't believe it. I hadn't slept with Matt – I knew it! I mean, yeah, sure I was drunk and so was he, but... but I left! I ran out of the room!

Didn't I?

No! I couldn't think that way! I had my pride and it hadn't let me sleep with Matt last night, I knew it!

But the test... Did it really say I was pregnant? Really?

I started crying and Mother wrapped her arms around me.

"I'm sorry, sweetie. I didn't mean to yell." She was petting my hair, comforting me the same way she had when I cried into her after losing Biyomon. "Let's get this taken care of, ok?"

"You," I sniffled, "You don't mean an...?"

"No!" She pulled away and I saw the stern lines in her face. "I will not have _that_ disgrace on our name. You said you met this boy's father, before, correct?"

Like, ten years ago. "Yeah...?"

"Then he will know what we have to do." She gave me a tiny smile. The first hint that she was starting to act like her usual self. "Get your makeup on, sweetie, we have to go get this fixed."

* * *

><p>I couldn't move, I couldn't even <em>think<em>, this was the most humiliating moment of my life!

Mother had marched me out of our apartment, taking me on the bus and made me lead the way to Matt's apartment. I didn't know what she was planning on doing once she was there, after all, Matt had said he'd had work and I had no idea if his dad was ever there. Besides, I could barely remember what number his door was, but Mother refused to accept that answer. She'd marched up to the complex manager and demanded the Ishida residence.

My face burned and I could tell the woman recognized me even from all that time ago.

Mother waited impatiently, her very stance betraying her agitation while the woman looked up the information. Apartment 1313. Of course. How could I have ever forgotten...

The elevator ride was uncomfortable, for me and the two other men who happened to have boarded with us. Mother wasn't saying anything, not even looking at me, and all I could feel was shame. Shame for not remembering what it was that had gotten me into this mess.

I was sure of it, _absolutely_ 100% certain, that I had not had sex. Ever!

Wouldn't I be the best one to know that?

The doors opened and Mother strode out of the elevator, leaving me to flounder in her wake. Matt's apartment wasn't too far from the lift, so it wasn't too long before she was banging on his door. She sounded like the police when they were making a raid.

"Mother, I don't think anyone will be here," I tried to tell her quietly. "It's the middle of the day, and..."

There was a rattling and Mother stepped back. Mr. Ishida opened the door, yawning and looking like he'd just woken up.

"Can I... help you?" He blinked heavily and wiped the bit of drool from his cheek. Mother looked at him, and I could see the corners of her mouth trying not to pull back in a sneer.

He was rumpled, probably having slept in the shirt he was wearing, and his hair was a mess. Even when she'd called the police ten years ago, demanding they do something about my bloody nose, she'd been sure to get fully dressed and made up before even thinking about opening the door.

"You are Malcolm Ishida, correct?" Mother asked. I wondered where she'd learned his first name. Even I didn't know it.

"And you would be?" Matt's dad frowned, looking like he was ready to close the door.

"I am Toshiko Takenouchi, mother of Sora Takenouchi." She motioned to me and I gave him a tiny wave. He made a face for a moment before brightening.

"Oh, that's right. You're that little girl with the Piyomon? Biyomon?" He gave me a warm smile. "You dated Matt for a while, huh?"

"I will forgive the inappropriate familiarity with my daughter as I have business to discuss with you and your son." Mother crossed her arms. "And where is Yamato?"

"Matt?" He looked like she was the first one to call him by his full name. "He's at work right now." He ducked into the apartment and then looked back at Mother. "He should be back in less than an hour, if you want to come back then."

"I will not be cast aside like some kind of salesman. As you are the head of the household, I will take my business up with you." And she invited herself in, pushing past Matt's dad as though he'd rolled out the red carpet for her. I bowed my head, apologizing and he just sighed, ruffling my hair like he did when I was fifteen.

"C'mon in, Sora," he said. "I just woke up, and Matt's been pretty busy lately, so you'll have to excuse the mess."

Unlike before, this time there _was_ a mess. Mother, so calm and elegant in the face of danger, was rooted to the spot, surveying the small three-room apartment. Tai's old couch was still there, but now it was draped with dirty laundry and TV dinner trays. The trashcan that separated the kitchen and the living room, if they could be called separated, was overflowing, soup cans tumbling over onto the floor. Dirty dishes were piled up, not only in the sink, but on the counters and even the stove. There were several open letters on the dining table, and even a frame that had been opened but not resealed. It must have contained Matt's diploma, and he just hadn't gotten around to hanging it yet.

"Please, Mrs. Takenouchi," Matt's dad said, pulling out one of the mismatched dining chairs. "Have a seat and we'll discuss your... business."

Mother looked like she'd rather run from the apartment screaming, but she accepted the offer, sitting with all her usual grace.

"I would have appreciated your son, Yamato -"

"Please," Matt's dad interrupted and I saw Mother frown. She hated being interrupted. "Just call him Matt. The poor boy hasn't gone by Yamato since he was four."

"_Matt_, then," Mother spat. She hated nicknames. Said they were unprofessional and used as a way to hide something. "It is his future we will be discussing, and I would rather he be here to hear it as well."

"Future?" Matt's dad smiled. I'd never seen him so proud. "So your daughter told you, huh?"

"I hardly see it as cause to celebrate," Mother frowned. Mr. Ishida leaned forward in his chair.

"And why not? It's a once in a lifetime opportunity for Matt, and I think he should go for it."

"At least we are in agreement about something." Mother drew herself up. "And as the young man's father, what do you plan to do about it?"

"Me?" Mr Ishida chuckled. "I don't think I'm equipped to tell Matt about any of this stuff – he's the one who worked so hard on it."

I felt my very ears turn red as Mother shot me a glare.

"I don't believe this is a laughing matter. This will determine the course of our childrens' futures."

Mr. Ishida stopped his chuckle with a cough. "You're being rather serious about this, Mrs. Takenouchi."

"And you're not being serious _enough_!" Mother slammed her fist on the table, making all of us jump. "What do you plan to do about your grandchild?!"

Mr. Ishida began choking on nothing, and if I hadn't been paralyzed with embarrassment, I would have found it adorable how similar he and his son were.

"M-my what?!"

The door opened at that moment and I saw Matt walk in, announcing, "I came home!"

Instantly, Mr. Ishida was on his feet in front of his son, yelling at him, "What the hell happened?!"

Matt just looked bewildered. "What are you talking about? And lower your voice, Dad, you know how the neighbors are."

Mr. Ishida grabbed Matt's arm and turned him to face us. I blushed when he gave me a confused look, but Mother just said in that same stern voice of hers, "Your conduct last night has left my daughter in a... fragile state."

"What does that mean?" Matt was being dragged over to us. I couldn't look at him, I was just way too embarrassed as to how Mother was handling things.

"It means," Mr. Ishida growled into his son's ear, "this delightful young woman is going to be a mother. And _you're_ going to be a father."

"W-What?! No way!" Matt tore himself away from his father. He was blushing like mad, and looking just as angry. "I've never, I mean, we've never -!"

"Last night my daughter came home in such a state!" Mother looked like she was about to cry. "She told me she was at _your_ party and that you two..." She gave a sob, like it was _her_ world falling apart. "That you decided to..."

"'Decided' my ass!" Matt yelled. Mother's eyes flew open and I shrunk back. There was no way I would _ever_ curse in front of Mother. He didn't seem to realize it though, because he continued to yell, "There was nothing that happened between us! Hell, we got into a fight and she ran the fuck off!" He turned to me, and I could see rage and was that fear hiding in his eyes? "Tell them! Tell _her_, Sora!"

"I... I..." I wiped my eyes. I'd never seen Matt so angry before. "I don't really remember last night..."

"Then how the _fuck_ could you know?!" His voice cracked and even his father flinched at the noise. Matt was pulling in on himself, looking more like he did when he was a child rather than a twenty-four year old man. I'd never seen him so scared of anything in his life, not even Puppetmon!

"I took a pr... a test," I said softly. I still couldn't bring myself to say that word. "It came out positive..."

"Well, it sure as hell isn't mine!"

That was when Mother stood. She lashed out, faster than she'd ever moved before, and slapped him across the face. Matt looked pale, like he was about to pass out as he gingerly held his cheek. He was shaking as she told him, "Just what are you accusing my daughter of? Loose morals? If she says you were the one she was with, than how can you accuse her of lying?"

"Matt, calm down," Mr. Ishida said, reaching out to support his son as he almost collapsed. "Calm down and _think_ for once in your life. You came home drunk off your ass last night. Are you sure you remember the whole evening?"

"I think I would remember sleeping with a _woman_," Matt hissed, as though I wasn't supposed to hear.

Maybe he really was...?

"I will have no more of these private conversations," Mother announced and I realized she hadn't heard Matt. "I came over here to discuss the future of my daughter and your son. Now, _sit_."

Mr. Ishida and Matt sat at the table, as though they were used to being yelled at by strong-willed women. I would have laughed if I wasn't feeling so terrible. I think I might have been feeling that morning sickness or whatever it was I was supposed to be getting.

"I will not allow the Takenouchi name to have this black mark on it," she began, sounding as though we'd been getting along all afternoon. "My daughter, pregnant out of wedlock."

"It's not my fault," Matt grumbled under his breath and his dad gave him a sharp look.

"What was it you had in mind?" Mr. Ishida asked. "I'm sure we could make the, ah, proper arrangements, if you wished."

"I will allow no such thing." Mother sat up straighter. "My daughter is only recently with child, so if we managed to perform the ceremony in enough time, then the timing will seem correct."

"'Ceremony'?" Matt scoffed and I looked at the table. "Just what does that mean?"

"Of course, we will have to find a church with an opening and a priest with a free appointment." Mother looked expectantly at Mr. Ishida. "None of this will come cheap, you know."

"If you're trying to talk my son into marriage for the sake of a baby..." he began.

"Not for the sake of a baby, but for the honor of _both_ our names. Have Ishida's no pride in how they conduct themselves in the public eye?"

Mr. Ishida opened his mouth, turning red in the face. He knew Mother was taking a jab at his divorce, even I knew it. But Matt shook his head.

"It's really mine, huh?" He looked at me. "You're not just making it up, or just saying so? The baby's mine?"

I nodded. That was the only explanation. That or aliens abducted me between getting out of the taxi and getting to my room, but I don't think anyone was in the mood for that joke.

"Then, I guess I'll do the right thing." He took a shuddering breath. Why was he so scared of me? "We'll get... married."

"But son," his dad whispered. "What about NASA? You just got the letter yesterday. Your training is going to start next week – they want you in Texas in two days!"

Training? What was he talking about?

"I can't go into space with a baby on the way," Matt said flatly. Space? "I'll just have to tell NASA to, you know, find another guy to be an astronaut. Shouldn't be that hard for them – I'm sure they have plenty of Americans who want to go to the Moon just as bad as me."

"What about everything you've worked for? You've worked harder than _me_ to get enough money to go to America. You already bought the plane tickets. Matt, just think about this..."

Poor Mr. Ishida looked like he was about to cry. Space? Astronauts? The Moon? I'd never heard of any of this...

"Then all that money will just go to the baby." He shrugged carelessly, though I could still see the tension in his shoulders. "After all, I don't think Sora will be able to move in with us here."

"It is settled, then," Mother announced before Mr. Ishida could say anything else. "I have a friend who owns the apartment complex down the street from me. I'll see to it that you two have a room within the next few weeks. And I can call someone at our church to provide the ceremony. I expect that you will be able to furnish it?"

"Yeah," Matt grumbled. "I got plenty to spare right now."

"Then I shall see to the arrangements." She stood and smiled like we'd all been getting along so wee this afternoon. "I will be glad to have you in my family, Yamato."


	3. Chapter 3

_I can feel it in the rotten air tonight_

_In the tips of my fingers, in the skin on my face_

_In the weak last gasp of the evening's dying light_

_In the way those eyes I've always loved illuminate this place_

_Like a trashcan fire in a prison cell_

_Like the searchlights in the parking lots of hell_

_I will walk down to the end with you_

_If you will come all the way down with me._

_- Old College Try_

_By: The Mountain Goats_

2014:

Matt dropped his boxes in the master bedroom with a sigh. I wanted to help, but he and his dad had refused.

"We can't have too much of a strain on the baby, now can we?" Mr. Ishida would tell me any time I offered.

So I just sat on the couch in what would be our living room, playing with the new ring that rested on my finger. It was still so weird to me, that I was no longer Sora Takenouchi, but now I was Sora Ishida. That I had married my old middle school flame. The diamond that sat in it's silver band sparkled at me, catching the light that shone in through the front door and almost blinded me with a magnificent rainbow. Most of the boxes coming in now were things Mother had given us to start off. Things like plates and sheets and all that junk. Things I didn't even know we had owned, let alone had enough of to spare.

Matt flopped on the couch next to me, breathing heavily. "Man, I didn't realize I owned so many books."

"I never would have taken you for such a reader," I said and he smiled at me. Not the brilliant smile like you see in the movies, the one that you can instantly see years of love in, but just a simple smile one friend would give another. "Seriously, you have more books than video games, and you have _a lot_ of games."

He laughed and I laughed. It was nice. After all the pomp and pressure of the perfect ceremony that Mother had planned down to the last detail, to just sit back and relax was... wonderful.

"To be perfectly fair, I did borrow most of those from Tai."

"You mean you stole them?"

He gave me a crooked grin. "Hey, I did ask to see them. He just never remembered who he gave them to, and I never offered to give them back."

I giggled and reached out, putting my hand on his knee without thinking. Instantly, he jumped to his feet, saying too loudly, "I think I hear Dad's back creaking, I'd better go help!"

"Wait, Matt!" But he was already out the door. I sighed and looked around our apartment, filled with boxes and with brand new furniture. It didn't feel like home, and I wasn't sure it ever would.

I stood and walked across the living room, opening the first box I came to. If the boys wouldn't let me help haul them out of the truck, then I could at least start putting things away. The tape on it was some old stuff Mr. Ishida had found in the bottom of his closet, so it came off the cardboard easily and I stuck it to our new TV screen. I could just wash it off later, I thought and opened the flaps.

There, sitting perfectly on top of an old blanket was a silver framed photo from a lifetime ago. I reached out, blinking back tears and pulled out the dusty memory. It was all of us, the original Chosen Children, on the last day we thought we'd ever spend in the Digital World. We were surrounded by all our Digimon friends and partners, looking at the small creature in Kari's hands. Just like the baby that was now in my stomach, it had come to us as a complete surprise, and none of us had known what to do in that moment except stare. Then TK had started to laugh, and we all knew it was going to be ok.

How I wished we had TK here to set me and Matt to laughing...

I swallowed the lump in my throat and looked at the walls. I needed to find the perfect spot for this picture – one where we could see it every day and remember our friends, real and Digital.

I was just fishing in the box to see if there was a nail or a tack to hang the frame with where I heard a knock at our doorframe, and a sweet voice called out, "Knock, knock, is anyone home?"

I turned to look, and there stood an older woman with a kindly smile. She was wrinkled, but not hunched, and there was a certain sparkle in her eyes.

"Yes, ma'am, how can I help you?" I put the photo down carefully back in it's box and walked over. The woman bowed deeply and I nodded my head politely.

"My name is Mrs. Kana Satoshi, I live in the apartment across the hall from you." She stepped back and pointed to her door. There was a little gold plaque with her surname etched in black hanging above the peephole. "I just wanted to be the first to greet you to Lunar Mansions."

"How very kind of you, Mrs. Satoshi." I gave deeper bow. It wouldn't hurt to be nice to her since she lived so close. "My name is Sora Take... uh." I don't know if I would ever get used to this. "Sora _Ishida_. It is very nice to meet you."

"A newlywed, I see," she laughed and I blushed. "Dearheart, you wouldn't believe how long it took me to stop calling myself an Arumi and remember I was a Satoshi. May I ask where is the lucky man who wedded such a beauty?"

Oh, Mother would have hated her. She always said flattery was nothing more than empty words designed to build you up to a false reality. Thank God I wasn't my mother and could enjoy this, then. "Matt is downstairs with his father, my father-in-law I should say, getting the last of our boxes." I heard the elevator ding and I poked my head into the hallway, where my, uh, husband was carrying the last two boxes from the truck. "There he is!"

Mrs. Satoshi followed my gaze. Her smile suddenly became strained and she whispered to me, "A foreigner? Dearheart, are you sure you made the right decision?"

I put my hand on my stomach, almost unconsciously. The warm sparkle in Mrs. Satoshi's eyes dimmed and I bit my lip. I couldn't let her think that this was the only reason we were together – we loved each other, right?

"He's not foreign," I said just as quietly. Matt hated being called a foreigner – he said that he and TK used to get teased about it all the time when they were young. "Both his parents are Japanese, and he was born in Tokyo." I didn't want to mention his French Grandfather, as Mrs. Satoshi was still looking suspicious.

"If you insist..." she mumbled before brightening to the same grandmotherly warmth she'd originally shown. "I bet you're the lucky, lucky man who plucked this sweet peach."

Matt looked at me from behind his boxes, frowning. I gave him a shrug and he turned that same frown to Mrs. Satoshi. "And you would be...?"

Her smile faltered, just for a moment at how rude he was being, but she said just as nicely as before, "I'm your new neighbor. Mrs. Kana Satoshi. I was just speaking with your lovely young bride here."

"Nice to meet you." He turned to me. "Dad's returning the truck, so now we just need to start unpacking." He pushed by me, almost tripping and nearly sending the boxes, both marked "Matt's Shit", flying into the living room.

"Ah, Matt, let me get those." I reached out, grabbing him by the arm to steady him.

"No!" he yelped, whirling away from me. "I can do this!" He stumbled down the hall, and I heard his boxes crash in our bedroom.

"Your husband seems rather... independent, wouldn't you say?" Mrs. Satoshi gave me a look I didn't quite understand.

"He has always been a lone wolf. It's really part of his charm." That was why I liked him. Because he always seemed like he could handle anything. The way he never seemed to need anyone to lean on.

"If you say so, dearheart." She suddenly grabbed my hands in hers. She was warm and soft, like my own grandmother, or like Mimi. "Just know, I'm always across the hallway if you ever need anything. And I mean _anything_."

"Sora!" I heard Matt call from the apartment. "I need you to get in here!"

"I, I have to go, Mrs. Satoshi. It was nice meeting you." And I stepped back inside, closing the door on her concerned face. What could she think I would ever need from her?

"Matt?" I walked down the hall and oped my head into our room. It was fairly huge, especially considering how small the rest of the apartment was. We had a walk in closet and Mother had bought us a huge red dresser with a giant mirror that sat right above it. I always thought it was beautiful, though I could tell by the way Matt looked at it that he didn't like it.

He was sitting on our queen-sized bed, box in his lap, digging through what looked like old CDs from his band days.

"You wanted me in here?"

Matt just scowled. "No, I just wanted you out of there. That lady is a nutcase."

"She's our neighbor, Matt. You could stand to be a bit more polite to her." I put my hands on my hips. "Didn't anyone teach you to respect your elders?"

"I'll respect her, when she decides to respect me." He glared at me, that same look I'd seen over a month ago when he'd graduated. "Don't think I didn't hear her."

"Matt, she's old. She has prejudices, sure, but once she sees just how sweet you are, she'll get over it."

"Noone just _gets over_ who they are," he spat. I could see that look in his eyes again. He was thinking about something that he would never tell me, no matter how much I asked.

As much as I adored his independent streak, it could drive me _crazy_ sometimes! He was just so stubborn about his past, never telling me a thing. I stood in an expectant silence, but he just stood to put his CDs on his shelf next to his dusty guitar. I don't know why he insisted on dragging that dumb thing around with us – he hadn't touched it since Mimi had become a pop idol.

"Fine," I said, throwing my hands in the air. "Just, fine! I'll be in the living room, unpacking _our_ things."

I slammed the door behind me. Hopefully, he would get the hint and realize that we were married. That his problems were now our problems and we could get through anything together. Right?

The photo sat in it's box, staring mockingly at me as it showed the happiest summer I'd ever had. How could we have all changed so badly from that one weekend? Those long months in the Digital World that showed us who were really were? Why couldn't we have just... stayed that way? Stayed young and innocent forever?

* * *

><p>I spent the next few months hanging over the toilet for almost an hour every morning. I was getting fatter, and the foods I used to love now made me nauseous. Matt always got a kick out of cooking shrimp scampi only to have me run to the bathroom, heaving and gagging, the bastard.<p>

All out things were finally unpacked, everything having it's special place. Mother came by every few weeks, giving us more and more junk. Like the decorative hand towels in the bathroom. God, the fight that broke out between her and Matt when she found out he was using them to dry his hands. I was surprised Mrs. Satoshi hadn't called the cops on them. Though, I was rather amazed that Matt kept his fists to himself. I guess he really had grown up after all those fights with Tai

The room across the hall from our bedroom had turned into the nursery. True to his word, Matt had plenty of money from his summer jobs that he had been saving, and so we had everything we needed for the baby. A sturdy crib, changing table, even enough diapers to last until he was twenty! When I asked to make sure he was ok with spending all his money on the baby, Matt would just smile at me.

"It's my family, and I'll be damned if I don't take care of you." He would take my hands in his, the only time he ever initiated the contact. "My parents split up, and I never forgave them for that. I need you to know that I will _never_ be like them. Come Hell or high water, we're going to make this work." Then, he would realize was he was doing and let me go, looking away like he'd just remembered something important.

"What about a job?" I knew he hated hearing that. "We can't live on your savings and Mother's goodwill forever."

"I'll find something." He shrugged. "I have a degree in aerospace engineering, I think I can find a job here on Earth somewhere."

And then he would leave me alone, in our not-too-big apartment that suddenly felt like an empty mansion. Thank goodness for Mrs. Satoshi, who I would invite over for lunch whenever Matt went job hunting. She was pleasant enough, barring that my husband didn't come up in conversation too often, and it was a nice break to speak with her instead of Mother. While Mother was very stern and traditional, Mrs. Satoshi was warm and kind. She always asked about the baby, bringing over hand knitted caps and stockings.

"Babies get very cold, you know, even in the summer," she would tell me. "You can't keep them too warm. Just let me know the sex, dearheart, and I'll make you some much cuter things."

"That won't be for a while, yet," I would tell her with a laugh. "The doctors say I'm not far enough along for a gender to be seen."

"Well, then, why don't you and I wish for a cute little girl, then?" she would say, patting my knee.

Oh, an adorable little girl would be nice. A sweet, cute thing that I could girl out with. We could play with dolls and play with make up together. All that stuff that Mimi used to be into in the Digital World.

Yeah. That... That sounded like fun. Right?

Then Mother would come by to visit. She would give Matt that thin-lipped smile she was so good at until he left the room, leaving just us.

"How's the baby?" Mother asked, looking at me with a certain softness.

"Doing well. Mrs. Satoshi across the hall says she wants me to have a girl." I smiled.

"Well, of course you will." Mother nodded as though she were the one who made these kinds of decisions. "And I've already chosen her name." Mother! I was a little offended. Matt and I hadn't even discussed these things. "Little Hanako – Flower Child."

That sounded like Mother, all right. "What if I have a boy?"

"Don't worry yourself over that," she said, petting my hair down. "Just let Mother take care of things."

And so she would. Anything we needed, Mother was always there to provide. Matt would grumble under his breath, and one time I heard him say, "She's like Digitamamon. How much debt am I in with her?"

Why would he even think that? Comparing her to a malicious egg monster? Mother did these things out of the goodness of her heart, just like Biyomon told me she did. And if I couldn't trust Biyomon's word, then who could I trust?

One evening, Matt came home, and even Mother's presence couldn't dampen his smile.

"I got a job," he announced and I cheered. "A good one, in downtown Odaiba."

"Isn't that a little far, for a new father?" Mother asked, but Matt just ignored her. I was willing to ignore her too, for the moment.

"How wonderful! What is it?" He'd been willing to go to space before, so I couldn't wait to hear what kind of work he would be doing. I knew the Japanese space program was starting to gather resources to send people into space, so maybe it had something to do with JAXA?

"It's an auto garage." A what? He said it himself, he had an aerospace engineering degree, and he was going to work on cars? "A small place, Suiichi's Auto Repair. It's run by Azami Miyamoto, and she said I was overqualified at first, but I showed her."

I remembered, a lifetime ago, how Matt had been the one to repair Datamon's broken body in the Pyramid. He said he'd always tinkered with things like that when he was little, and I imagined that a machine Digimon couldn't be too different from a car engine.

I wanted to say something, that work like that was beneath him, and why didn't he look at JAXA, but he just looked so... proud of himself. Like his father had looked, when he thought of his son going to the Moon.

"T-that's wonderful, Matt."

"I really think working with my hands will be good for me." He gave me that warm smile, that "thanks for being my friend" smile he always gave me. It was nice enough, I suppose, that he didn't hate me for binding him to the ground when he should have been in space. "My first day is tomorrow, and Mrs. Azami wants me there first thing, so I'm going to get cleaned up and go to bed." He passed me by and paused, looking a little embarrassed. "Hey, Sora... Thanks. For being there for me. You're a good friend."

I blushed, feeling warm inside as he headed to the room. He didn't tell me too often that I was still his friend, and it was nice to be reminded once in a while.

But Mother didn't seem to see it that way. "A friend? You're his wife, not his friend."

"Mother, please. He's not that good with emotions." He really wasn't.

"You need to train your husband better," she told me. Train him? He was a person, not a dog. "After all, he's going to be in the city more and more. You can't let his eye wander, or else this will all be for naught."

"He's not going to leave me, Mother." I don't know why I had to keep telling her this. "He said so himself, he'll always be here for the baby."

"I cannot stop you from believing that, but just know that I will not always be here to pick up the pieces. You have to learn to reign in your husband on your own." And with that, she stood and left.

* * *

><p>My nausea in the mornings had finally died away only for me to swell up like a balloon! I was eating anything and everything in the house. Matt laughed and called me Whamon, but I proved I was just as tough as Tai sometimes when I smacked him on the head. He would grin and playfully bat me away and it felt like we were actually a family in those rare moments. Matt was working hard at the auto garage, coming home later and later each night, smelling like oil and gasoline. It was different than I'd ever known, Mother always smelling like flowers and my father, well, never being around to smell masculine. But she always said he was never one for manly things, anyway.<p>

It was late one night, Matt had come home early and we were just about to sit down to dinner where I felt a sharp pain between my legs. I'd been cramping on and off all day, but Mother said that was normal, to just try and get through it, but this... this _hurt_.

Matt must have noticed my expression because he knelt next to me, asking softly, "You ok, Sora?"

"I... I dunno." I flinched. God, it felt like I was getting punched right in my, um, you know. _That_. "It hurts."

And then there it was.

Like the floods of Noah, I heard it spill over the chair and drip onto the floor. I turned pale and Matt yelped, jumping up.

"Shit, Sora! Is this -?!"

"I hope so..." I felt like crying. The first time in three months Matt was home before I fell asleep and I was going into labor. I didn't know whether to laugh or scream. "I think it's time to go to the hospital."

"Y-yeah!" He grabbed me by the arm and together we made it to the elevator. It was amazing. The first time in our whole marriage that Matt was so willing to be near me, to even touch me. Hell, we barely slept in the same bed together. He usually ended up wandering over to the couch around 2 A.M. every night. But here he was now, gently whispering and encouraging me as the elevator took its sweet time to bring us to the first floor. He asked me if I should call an ambulance, but I told him no, that it would be ok.

We got to the lobby of our complex and I called Mother. She was only a block away, and she was sure to help us out.

It was a testament to how much Matt was worried about me that he didn't have even one strongly-worded conversation with Mother the whole way to the hospital. He was actually holding my hand and smiling at me, ignoring anything Mother was saying to him and me? I was starting to feel the pain radiating from my thighs all the way to my spine over and over.

Mother pulled up, turning to Matt and telling him, "I'm taking Sora inside. You get your father over here. Goodness knows there needs to be at least _two_ grandparents here. What would the nurses say otherwise?"

Matt made a face and seemed very glad to crawl out of the car. I tried to look at him as Mother pulled away from the visitor dropoff area, but he was already talking to someone on his phone, ignoring everyone around him.

"Couldn't he have gone with us, Mother?" I asked.

"He will deal with the father's side of things," she informed me. "All you have to worry about from now on is the motherly things in life."

I wasn't sure how it happened, but a paramedic showed up and, with another wave of pain, I was being wheeled away to the maternity ward. The nurses and doctors around me were very chipper, smiling at me and Mother as though we were the only ones in the whole hospital. It made me feel very warm and special and I was glad Mother was with me to get through this. Even the pain seemed a little less when a rather adorable nurse with pink hair patted me on the shoulder.

I was asked how long I'd been in labor, and I told them that I'd been hurting all day before my water broke, and the doctor nodded. Mother spoke up, telling everyone in the room, and some of them in the hallway, that she had been the one to tell me to wait, so that I wouldn't be cooped up in a hospital room all day before the baby was ready. The nurses nodded amongst themselves, and even the doctor looked like he approved. It was a little embarrassing, the way Mother was behaving like a know-it-all, but she just seemed so proud of herself, it was kind of hard to be mad at her. After all, this would be her first grandchild.

I was hooked up to a couple of machines, and the doctor set my legs in stirrups, telling me to let him know when the pain started getting really intense and close together. You got this, I told myself. It's just a baby, women have them all the time. It's not like anything's going to go wrong, right?

Oh, God, what if something goes wrong? What if my baby's missing a limb? Or comes out without a brain? Or the cord is wrapped around her neck and she gets strangled?!

Mother grabbed my arms suddenly and gave me a shake.

"Sora! Sora, calm down!"

I only realized then that I was hyperventilating and about ready to cry. The machine next to me was going crazy and the doctor looked like he was about to kick every one out.

"I'm, I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me..."

"Well, then," the pink-haired nurse said sweetly, "I think it's time for your feel-good shot." She helped me sit up and I felt a small pinprick in my back, just above my hips. I couldn't help the little whimper that escape but soon...

Nothingness.

Wonderful, absolute nothingness.

I sighed and lay back. I could see Mother's lips moving, and I could hear her voice, but it was all so... far away.

I couldn't tell how long I was out of it, but there was a lot of movement around me suddenly and, before I knew it, there was a large bundle placed in my arms. I blinked heavily, as though I were coming out of a long sleep, and looked around.

There she was. Beautiful and serene and all too cute.

"She's yours," the nurse told me. And then she smiled. My day was now perfect...

The weight in my arms shifted and I looked down. A tiny little wrinkled thing was wailing her little lungs out. A small puff of blonde hair poked out from the pink blanket and when she paused to breathe, I saw her blink small blue eyes.

"And Matt's," I heard myself murmur. There was no doubt in my mind now, that she was his.

"Did you ever think otherwise?"

I looked up. Sitting there next to me was Matt, smiling sweeter than I've ever seen him before. Wasn't Mother just there?

I didn't realize I'd said that out loud until Matt gave me a funny look. "Sora? You've been in labor for eight hours. Your mother's been gone for, like, two hours by now."

"Really?" Whatever that little shot was, I _loved_ it.

I pulled my baby, _my baby!_, to my chest and I just about cried. "Hanako, my sweet, little, tiny, Hanako." She smelled like laundry detergent and soap, and her little hairs were tickling my nose. I felt Matt put his hand on my shoulder, and I sobbed. "She's ours. Our little girl."

That pink-haired nurse was standing beside me again. "Does Daddy want to hold her?"

I never wanted to let Hanako go, ever again! But Matt was blushing and the nurse gently took Hanako from me. Matt was saying something, that he wasn't sure if he would be able to do it. That he wasn't sure he could trust himself with holding her right.

Then she was in his arms and I saw him absolutely melt. I saw his blue eyes mist over, and that look, that achingly familiar look of absolute love and adoration that I'd seen time and time again in Biyomon, warmed his face.

"H... Hey, Hanako. My little Hana-chan." He was whispering, a sweet husky noise that I could hear his tears in. "Welcome..."

She flailed a little arm out of her blanket and wailed, an echoing noise that filled the small room. The nurse laughed and took her from Matt, who looked like he never wanted to let her go.

"Little Hanako needs to go to the postpartum unit to make sure all her little fingers and little toes are ok, but we'll bring her right back for a bit of bonding time. Mommy, you just stay here and rest, Daddy, will you come with me? We need to get some forms filled out."

Matt nodded in a daze. He was holding his hands out, like he was still cradling our daughter in his palms. The door opened and I saw Mr. Ishida standing just outside. He smiled, waving a finger at Hanako and denying holding her.

"I just came back from a smoke break," he explained. "She doesn't need that crap in her fresh lungs. I just wanted to talk to Sora for a moment, if that's ok."

"Of course. We'll come back for you as soon as she's ready, Grandpa."

The door closed and I saw Mr. Ishida smiling like I'd never seen him smile before. Like he was on cloud nine and there was nothing in the world that could drag him back to Earth.

"Hey, Mr. Ishida." My voice was kind of slurry still.

"Please, Sora," he said with a smile. He sat in a chair next to me and I could smell the smoke of his cigarettes over the disinfectant stench of the room. "I keep telling you to call me Dad. Mr. Ishida is just too formal for my daughter-in-law." I wasn't sure Mother would ever allow me to call an older gentleman by such a familiar name. "How are you feeling? A little woozy?"

"Yeah," I admitted. "I take it you're familiar with this?"

"Went through it twice." And he laughed. It was a lot like Matt's, except with more of a gravel to it, like an unpaved road. It must have been all the smoking. "How was your first time?"

"I don't remember," I admitted with a smile. "All I know is I was at home, then, poof, Hanako is in my lap."

"You should have heard Matt. He was a wreck." Mr. Ishida was smiling, and I could see where Matt got his warmth. To be honest, I'd never really spent too much time with him – he always seemed to be busy. "Almost got hit by a car, before he remembered to actually get in here."

"You know," I suddenly remembered. "Matt said something funny earlier."

"Oh? What was it?"

"He said..." What was it? "He couldn't trust himself with Hanako?" That sounded right. "Why would he say that?"

"Can't trust himself?" Mr. Ishida frowned. "I don't know why he'd say that. I thought he got over all that stuff with Nancy..."

Nancy? His mother? He never talked about her before, and any time she managed to come up in conversation, he would just go silent. Pressing him about it would only send him into a rage, and I would stay up, wondering if he was coming home.

"D-Did he?" I had no idea what Mr. Ishida was talking about.

He nodded, mostly to himself. He leaned back and sighed deeply. "Do you remember what he told you?"

Told me? He never told me _anything_ about his past. It was like he'd simply congealed right outside summer camp and existed since then. But I nodded, trying to pretend I could understand. "He never told me a lot about it..."

"Poor Matt. Twenty-four and he's still a scared young boy. No matter how many therapists he went to, he could never get over his mother molesting him."

_Molesting_?! What the Hell?! How could he never tell me this?! Ever?! Did any of the other Children know?

Mr. Ishida continued to speak. "We told him, over and over, that it was her cancer that caused her to do it. You know about her tumors?" I must have nodded. "He _knows_ that they were on the judgment section of her brain. Hell, if he hadn't shot her, we never would have known about them."

He _shot_ his _mother_?! Who in the Hell did I marry?!

"But you have to understand," he was pleading with me. "Nancy was very sick. If she didn't have the cancer, she never would have given in and molested him, no matter what Matt might say."

"I-I understand." Oh, God, this was becoming too much too fast. Though, now everything was starting to make sense.

Why he never got close to any of us, especially us girls.

Why he clung to TK, protecting him from something none of us could know about.

Why he never went further than light kisses with me.

Why he always seemed so scared of me.

Why, on our wedding night, we'd had sex once before he'd locked himself in the bathroom.

Why he could barely sleep in the same room as me.

But why would he be so scared of holding Hanako? Unless... Unless he was scared he would m-molest her too. But why? Why would he think he would molest her? Shouldn't he know what it was like? Shouldn't he be able to stop himself?

Unless he couldn't.

Unless he knew that whatever was in his mother was now in him.

Did I really... marry a child molester? I never would have thought... He was so handsome and so good with TK... Is that why? Is that why he'd always gotten along so well with TK and Kari and all the rest of the younger kids? That's _sick_! Disgusting!

And now he was out there, somewhere in the hospital, with my baby!

Mr. Ishida had continued to talk, saying more and more, but I just couldn't listen to him. He _knew_ what his son was capable of, and he still let this happen to me! Why hadn't anyone told me?!

The door opened and the nurse walked back in. She was holding Hanako, thank God, and she smiled as she placed my poor, defenseless child in my arms. Matt was following behind her, smiling like some... some... _pervert_ as he looked at my baby girl.

"It's time for bonding with little Hanako and Mommy," the nurse sang, and Matt chuckled. Bastard was probably already figuring out how to sneak into Hanako's room at night. How sick – she's barely an hour old! "Daddy, Grandpa, let's give Mommy her space, ok?"

Matt reached out to _touch_ my baby and I pulled her close to me. I didn't want him anywhere _near_ Hanako. Not until I knew what he was going to do with her. He gave me a confused look and I turned away from him. I couldn't let him know I was on to him, otherwise he might, what? Take Hanako? Leave me alone so he could be with my poor little girl?

"Don't worry," I whispered to my crying baby after everyone left us alone. "I won't let your so-called _father_ get anywhere near you. You'll be safe with Mother."


End file.
